So we ended Part 1 wondering how we can possibly find a feeling of “control” when everything around us is sometimes unpredictable and oftentimes not a match for “how we want things to be.”
The hope and power in our lives comes from moving forward grounded in this thought:
In the midst of all this disarray, we must remind ourselves we actually ARE in charge.
Because WE EACH get to decide HOW each of us responds individually as we we go along.
Since no single one of us could ever have control over everything or everyone outside of us, we are left with only one simple choice:
We need only practice controlling…OURSELF.
No one else.
I find such relief…and freedom…in this idea. I can release all the other stuff, because it was actually never mine to begin with.
The problems and suffering occur when we try to effect our individual control where it is not created to be utilized.
That is: outside us.
Now this does NOT mean we just sit back and say,
“Well, that’s how things are.”
Or “This or that person/situation is never going to change.”
Or “I’m helpless.”
On the contrary.
Instead of mindlessly forcing our “right” way to do things…either pushing our expectations, giving in to our tendency to give up and walk away or perhaps submitting to our habit of running away in fear, Pausing allows us to step gently away and re-evaluate HOW we want to be involved…how we want to truly “shine” in any situation…with a mindset that chooses only actions that cause no damage…to others…yet still simultaneously, none to ourselves.
We stop to ask ourselves,
“How DO I want to been seen RIGHT NOW?”
We must constantly strive for balance in our actions…which is sometimes (often!) a struggle. For with each “problem” I perceive, I will need to seek solutions that promote others AND myself at the same time.
How about that for a complex solution?!
We’ll be needing that Pause a lot…
Because that’s where the work happens. We’ll need time to practice habitually putting ourselves in a perspective of Love and Compassion for EVERYONE involved.
Because we’re looking for Win/Win here.
Some of us may be used to pushing our agendas through without allowing more time to consider the position of the “other side”; then there are others among us who often do not speak up in a firm or timely manner so that we often get lost in the equation.
But without finding a balancing solution, where the needs of both sides are attended to, there will always be damage to both sides.
Both forcing and succumbing stem from Fear:
Of not being heard…
Of not being loved…
Of not being enough…
Of thinking below our true potential.
Or simply not remembering we are EACH equally valuable.
We forget that we DO have other options besides forcing or giving in. But we won’t see these hidden solutions unless we Pause long enough to seek them.
Adele’s quote calls for a perspective reassessment. Pausing, I can see that I often assign a lot more importance to what is in the “99% outside”…and not enough focus upon the more important cruxes of my internal “99%”.
Are you seeing this trend in yourself, even as I am seeing it in myself?
Adele continues with these suggestions:
“This week notice how you turn the [99% quote above] around, blaming others for your own problems and taking responsibility for other’s problems. Practice taking responsibility for yourself and letting others be responsible for themselves.”
So….what if I don’t WANT to take responsibility for myself:
That’s quite a lot of work!!
(Add fatigue, anger, busyness, etc. as further reasons to put this action off and we can see how we often see no change occurring in our lives.!)
Will anything ever change…
If I don’t?
Do I really want to wait around for everyone else to “do their thing”, match my expectations, etc…when I have so much catching up to do myself?!
I’m now observing what a juggling act I am trying to perform: SO many balls in the air that I want to direct (people, situations, worries, fears)…when I really need only toss one “ball” in the air…
Taking care of my 99% is more than enough…
And is actually all that was ever required of me.
As I become clearer about my beliefs, my motives, and their attached emotions, I can begin to decide how I want to “organize” my unique 99%. THEN I will be better prepared to see what is going on around me, choosing more precision in how I want to interact in the most positive way, reflecting my purest, truest self…and allowing others to be freed to do the same.
I must bring no harm.
Taking care of only our own 99% will result in reestablishing our feeling of control and will also free us from the trap of believing we must/should be in charge of everyone else’s 99%!
Today, take a few moments for yourself.
Consider Adele’s passages.
Go “inside” to find what you’ve been looking for “outside” all this time.
It’s worth the time and work.
Seek now to commit to “The Rule of 99%”…
Take one deep breath…
And begin with just ONE observation about yourself and your own “99%”.
Where you have Power.
You will be 110% surprised by the impact, within and without, that your curiosity and perseverance will bring.