“Once you’ve

accepted your

flaws no one

can use them

against you.”

Tyrion Lannister (in Game of Thrones television series)

Part Three of Five:

Extracting Love

When we are selective about what we admit about ourselves (liking some things, rejecting others), or if we take on beliefs of others without questioning, we are leaving out pieces and portions of ourself, we are unbalanced, and can therefore never present a Whole Self to the world. In this way, we are lying…not only to ourselves but consequently, to all who ever cross our path. This results in an empty, unfulfilled feeling and causes us to search for completion…more often than not OUTSIDE ourselves rather than looking inward. We may use such things as staying too busy, overindulgence (often with food, substance abuse, shopping, hoarding), addictions/excesses of any sort (like how much time do I spend online, at work, watching tv/movies). It could even be searching for completion through a relationship with another person (“I am not enough unless I am with this person”) or a relationship with a job (“I am only whole when and doing X, Y or Z”.

But you get the picture: it’s about Pausing to see where there are imbalances in our views and beliefs…and more important, admitting the presence and power they have over us, and electing to change our relationship with them so that we become balanced…and therefore truly Whole.

In addition, being selective about our traits, accepting some/ignoring others, is not treating ourself with unconditional love…and this will then make it more difficult to extend this same love to any other component of our world, whether it be a person, another being on our earth or even our care for inanimate objects.

We can only share love in direct proportion with which we give it to ourselves first: so when I am selective about accepting only the “better” parts within myself, this is reflected in what I am able to share outwardly. If I hide things within, then I hide them externally…so no one can see all of me. I am not presenting my Entire Being, “flaws” and all…and this is not being truthful, to others and to myself. This is how we each “hide” pieces of who we are…and sadly, we often get really good at it as time passes.

I might think “I feel anxious because I am unsure of what I am to do next”, but what I actually say (in order that others won’t feel burdened or angered by my “silly” fear, or think I am stupid) is “Oh absolutely! No problem, I’ve totally got this!!” (accompanied by a big “confident” smile).

Perhaps I am afraid to admit a mistake I made, so I choose to lie or blame other people or reasons for the fact that I simply did not act responsibly. (It IS hard to face our flaws!)

Or maybe I feel sad because of someone’s judgmental comment but I remain silent and non-confrontational. Shutting off the heart that wants to speak but is afraid…is a slow but sure way to poison myself.

Yes, there is an appropriate time and place for expressing ourselves…but our Pauses allow us to decide when, where and how to do so. Continuing to “hide”, to ignore any part of ourselves, is a habit that will wreak all kinds of havoc over time. “Hiding” is never true…

And we are created, above all things, to be True…

True to pure Love.

There can be many reasons for our responses but it is so important to look at what we are hiding, how we are hiding and most of all, WHY we are hiding.

A Pause allows me to consider what can I pull from each circumstance that could enlarge my heart, my mind, my soul…so that I am transformed into MORE than I was when I fell short.

So here’s the BIG THING.


Our flaws and mistakes will ultimately require that we forgive ourselves and forgive others…

Otherwise we find ourselves carrying them forever…

And you and I know they do become very VERY heavy.

NONE of us are created to carry regret, resentment, judgement, hatred and the like. When we do, we are slowly eaten away from the inside and cannot fully shine with our True Self.

There is Love.

And then there is everything else.

We are here to carry Love only…all else is unnecessary and ultimately debilitating.

But just how do I deal with forgiveness? It’s so so hard sometimes…

(End Part 3/5)

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