“Ninety-percent of what bothers you is about you. Ninety-nine percent of what bothers others has nothing to do with you.”

Deborah Adele, excerpt from The Yamas & Niyamas; chapter on “Svadhyaya” (Self-Study).

Adele’s words carry a punch that will quickly bring us to a reality check…IF we’re willing to be curious about our current viewpoints. I find that this quote brings me freedom because it makes me see how I am holding on to so many things that I really don’t need to. It inspires me to examine more deeply the beliefs underlying WHY I feel I must be in charge of so many things.


Is that “Control” I see lurking behind those kinds of thoughts?

I never thought of myself as a controlling person…until I read this. And I am now beginning to realize it’s not necessarily my outward actions that I need to examine here. It’s what’s going on inside with my thoughts.

Of course we all would love to be in control! We’d choose all the “right” weather, the most uplifting responses from our loved ones, the smoothest quickest traffic, optimal health, more impressive talents, copious positive feelings…(I think you know how to add on here, so have at it!)

But I see too that if we’re so busy choosing and orchestrating everything, feeling frustrated and stressed and even victimized when things didn’t quite match our “template of control”, we eventually find we are actually losing control of the one constant gift we DO have:

Our present moment.

Right now.

Our Past and our Future will only hold the power we give to them by the attention we give them.

But NOW…is the only point in time that anything can be observed, evaluated and changed.

And not only do we have to Pause to do that…we need to choose to do so on a regular basis, not just sporadically.

So consider this: what will be happening if MY idea of what is “just right” doesn’t quite match someone else’s?

I’m going to be experiencing some level of upset.

That equals total mayhem, right?

We’ve all been there.

We plan this or that.

Expect this or that.

And then life will go and hand us…

Exactly NOT what we wanted.

So infuriating.

So unfair.

So crushing.

So wrong, right?!


So normal.

We wish people and situations to be different and we just KNOW we (and others) would be happier if things were just a bit different…if they’d just follow OUR plan.

And yet…as I Pause…that really doesn’t quite make sense.

It’s a “too many chefs in the kitchen” equation, with everyone’s expectations simultaneously desired…

Nothing would ever work out all the time for all of us.

And isn’t that the definition of Life, as it is?

So I’m thinking,

“Okay…maybe the way things are set up is the only way our world COULD work. The variety, the contrast, the ups and downs, the successes and disappointments…it’s all a “wholistic” smorgasbord of infinite available possibilities.

For me.

For you.

For everyone.

But HOW in the world do we make sense of everything when things do not always fit in with what we believe and want…

How do we fit ourselves in there?

Does this mean we just have to accept being “unmoored”, subject to everything that comes our way…and therefore unable to direct our own lives?

Curious about the answers?

Join me in Part Two to explore further!

4 thoughts on “The 99% Rule: Part 1/2

  1. If we remember to breathe, and know that is all we can really control.
    Smile, and thank you for sharing.


  2. For me it is all about letting go and embracing imperfection. Much, much easier said than done. Thanks for reminding me that my work in this area is worth it.


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