“Blame is a neat little device that you can use when you don’t want to take responsibility for something in your life. Use it and you’ll avoid all risks and impede your own growth.”

Wayne Dyer

Wow! Dyer packs a big punch with these words, immediately compelling me to take a closer look at that proverbial “log in my own eye” that appears whenever I hear myself thinking about all the “splinters” in the eyes of others…or anywhere else in my world.

You know what I’m talking about:

Those complaining, worrying, over-analyzing, finger-pointing, looking-anywhere-but-at-myself attitudes that momentarily help to get us through a tough time but ~ honestly ~ somehow never result in any satisfactory long-term resolutions?

If I Pause long enough to look, I’ll have to admit it’s about my perspective, my beliefs and my choices…and who wants to own up to THAT?! There’s some heavy stuff to deal with in there.

This idea of ownership of self reminds me of Jon Kabat-Zinn’s book title Wherever You Go, There You Are. And with that pointed idea firmly in mind, I finally must face the fact that the only way things will change for me is to do the necessary work inside…for ironically, any cleanup I do there will ultimately be reflected outwardly.


So…here below is what came to me, thanks to you, Dr. Dyer and I thank you deeply for your inspiration!


What would happen today if I empowered myself by assuming responsibility for whatever shows up?


I mean…


What if, for one day, I practice noticing and monitoring my every “blame” thought, my every “judging” reaction, my every “victim” perspective, or even my “anxious desires to fix someone else” and instead stepped back to fully own each one of my own responses to these situations?

To do this, it would be essential that I agree to practice seeing every event, every person, my thoughts, my actions, the thoughts and actions of others…everything …as a continuously flowing stream of opportunities REMINDING ME to choose my OWN response.

To remind me NOT to allow any outside force to control me…

Saying inside,

“This person/event/emotion is a chance for me to step back, observe and decide how I want to truly present myself.”

I would agree instead to retain my own power.

I would say each time:

“I am more curious, and not as much fearful, of what I will find.”

“I stand on my own.”

“I am in charge of ME.”

“Nothing else can take control unless I decide.”

Ultimately asking within,

“What miraculous part of myself do I want to show up here, in this moment…? What fundamental true part of me do I choose to release in this moment?”


It’s not about what others will see…or do…or think.

It’s about whom YOU want to live with.

We can move, change jobs, decide to get a degree, do more volunteer work…but things like these are external and may be covers for avoiding what we don’t want to look at. Other coverups are our “escapes” through being overly busy, using substances to numb ourselves or perhaps spending an inordinate amount of time trying to solve other people’s issues.

These all fill my time so I can ignore…


The results are ultimately superficial and temporary.

We will always come up feeling something is still missing…

Because we’re looking in the wrong places for the answers.

Outside ain’t where it’s at.


Lasting change will only occur if we acknowledge where our own inner weaknesses are and work toward honestly owning up to them (and by the way, that’s a BIG part of the battle won right there!) and then working little by little to recreate them…using them to expose the genuine miracle that is within each one of us.

I live always with ME.

You live always with YOU.

She lives with HERSELF and they with THEMSELVES.

We try to run away from ourselves in so many ways but…

“Wherever I go, there I am”, right?

Why not Pause to learn to be with, accept and love who and where we are? This call is always there, waiting for us.


Each time I am able to make this conscious decision to be true to myself, eschewing the influences of all else in my outside world, I am not only able to observe the world as it is, without my “labels”;

I am actually extending freedom to myself regarding these circumstances. And whenever I do this, I am actually extending Love to myself. If I always choose first to access this Love within, I am then further empowered ~ and indeed, inspired ~ to share externally this Love I have, wherever I find myself…

And that is how the shifts finally begin to show up in my world.

By effecting change within myself, I am shifting my influence on my circumstances, the others around me…and therefore adjustments will begin to happen outwardly as a result.

Change myself first…

Then wait and watch how things begin to change around me.

So how I would I know I successfully did so?

First, I would feel the immediate presence of Peace that always accompanies such loving thoughts or actions.

Second, I would feel the freedom that comes hand in hand with that Peace.

And third, there will be a release of tension ~ physical, mental or emotional or relational: however small, it will always be there…and we can become very attuned to this the more we spend time being honest, and present, with ourselves.

While I must practice owning the the realization that I will never be fully in control of most of what happens all around me, I can ALWAYS OWN MYSELF.

Nothing is in charge of me…

Except ME.

I never EVER am required to give that power away.

And that is where my stability lies.

What DO I truly own?


And THAT, my friends, is more than enough.


Pause at least three times today to see how this “I choose full responsibility in this moment” mindset shifts your view, your thoughts and your responses to whatever comes your way.

Observe any internal results: any movement/shift in beliefs, emotions, perspective and in your physical body.

Ask “What is happening right now?”

Next, notice any external/environmental reactions that may be reflecting back to you. This would include how others are reacting:

Is there a difference from previous experience? In what ways?

Simply observe…

No judgement is necessary.

Just stillness.

Our only “job” is to watch…to be present, as we objectively “record” what is happening within us and outside us.

We often have so very little idea of how powerful we each truly are…

And therefore we cannot yet possibly conceive of the miracles we can perform when we OWN ~ and thus DIRECT ~ how we choose to exist in, and respond to, this world.


A Poem From Me To You

“With This Breath”

With this breath…

I now take this single moment to be still.

With this breath…

I am only watching.

With this breath…

I release blame…for the past that I cling to…for the present that I see.

With this breath…

I release anxiety for the future.

With this breath…

Should judgment appear, I release it as well.

With this breath…

I DO own myself in this moment.

With this breath…

I WILL myself to choose my next step.

With this breath…

I find peace and freedom…

For here my true self shines.”


As we say these words and step forward to live them, we will watch with wonder the miracle of how each of us ~ and consequently our world ~ will grow and change before us.

I thank each of you for Pausing here with me today…

You have just spent a few minutes “owning yourself”.

And in so doing, you have actually chosen and experienced Love for yourself.

How does that feel?


Where will you take it now?

2 thoughts on “Who Owns What

  1. Here’s that recurring theme of “take responsibility for my actions” again. This can never be discussed too much and I appreciate the simplicity you bring to the conversation.

    “I stand on my own. I am in charge of ME. Nothing else can take control unless I decide.”

    Not only am I being accountable when I own these words, but I release any fear that stops me from trusting who I am and what I want.

    Thank you for the clarity and permission to send myself love.


    1. I always appreciate how you further distill things here, Carole. Reiterating the “fear release” concept is a reminder that we no longer ever need to be subject to the disempowerment that Fear holds over us. Even just simply holding a conversation (within ourselves or with someone else) begins to chip away at the stranglehold that fear has over so many of us.
      Thank you! ❤️

      Liked by 1 person

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