“Ninety-nine percent of what bothers you is about you. Ninety-nine percent of what bothers others has nothing to do with you.”
Deborah Adele, excerpt from The Yamas & Niyamas; chapter on “Svadhyaya” (Self-Study)
So we were wondering in the previous blog how we can possibly find a feeling of “control” when everything around us is predictably unpredictable and oftentimes not a match for “how we want things to be.”
The hope and power in our lives comes from moving forward based on this thought:
In the midst of all this disarray,
we must remind ourselves we actually ARE in charge.
How can that be so?!
Because WE EACH get to decide HOW each of us responds individually as we we go along.
Since no single one of us could ever have control over everything or everyone outside of us, we are left with only one simple choice:
We need to practice controlling only OURSELVES…
Our own individual responses.
No one else’s.
This idea truly brings relief…
And blessed Sanity.
By choosing this perspective, we actually DO have control in this seemingly topsy turvy world. The problems occur when we try to effect our individual control where it is never intended to be.
Anywhere that is NOT within us.
Now this does NOT mean we just sit back and say,
“Well, that’s how things are.”
Or “This or that person/situation is never going to change.”
Or “I’m helpless.”
On the contrary.
By Pausing to evaluate, instead of automatically forcing our “right” way to do things or expect things…
or giving up and walking away, or running away in terror…
we can step gently away and re-evaluate HOW we want to be involved…how we want to truly show up and “shine” in any situation.
We practice electing instead a mindset that chooses only actions that cause no damage…to others, to our environment…and yet at the same time, to ourselves.
In effect, we make up our mind to show up with a different pattern of thought and behavior.
Since we are striving to do no harm in all areas –
people, environment, self –
Our actions must be balanced…and this presents our challenge. For with each “problem” I perceive, I will need to seek solutions that promote others AND at the same time promote myself…
I will be striving to balance Outside Myself with Inside Myself.
How about that for a complex solution?!
We’ll need that Pause a lot…
In order to give us time to practice habitually putting ourselves in a perspective of Love and Compassion for EVERYONE and EVERYTHING involved.
We’re looking for Win/Win here.
Some of us may be used to pushing our agendas through without allowing more time to consider the position of “other side”; then there are others among us who often do not speak up in a firm or timely manner so that we often get lost in the equation.
These two scenarios seem at first to both be Win/Lose.
But I propose that if there is a “Loser”…then even the “Winner” loses…
Because without finding a balancing solution, there is always damage to both sides.
Both forcing and succumbing stem from Fear:
Of not being heard…
Of not being loved…
Of not being enough.
Or simply not remembering we are EACH equally valuable.
We forget that we DO have other options than forcing, running, hiding or giving in.
But we won’t see these hidden solutions unless we Pause long enough to seek them.
How can we develop the kind of openness that this new kind of “being in control” requires?
Please meet me in Part 3 to discover Deborah Adele’s suggestion for putting the 99% Rule into action in your life.