“Ninety-nine percent of what bothers you is about you. Ninety-nine percent of what bothers others has nothing to do with you.”
Deborah Adele, excerpt from The Yamas & Niyamas; chapter on “Svadhyaya” (Self-Study)
In our third segment for this blog, we will more deeply explore Adele’s point that we are in need of a perspective reassessment…
And in her view, that’s 99% of the time!
Oh my…now that’s way more responsibility than I bargained for!
But…daring to look more closely, I find that yes, I am definitely living my life focusing on the importance of what is in the “99% outside”…and not enough focus upon my more important internal “99%”.
Do you do this too?
Let’s face it: we humans don’t like pain or discomfort of any kind and when we choose to function in the 99% outside, we are simply trying to avoid internal turmoil, pain or vulnerability by shifting blame to another source.
Let’s take the phrase…
“YOU made me feel angry!”
This statement, spoken (or not!), is a move away from self and towards another.
Rather than taking a few moments to understand WHY we are angry, sitting with that discomfort of facing ourselves… we access relief in projecting it outside, away from ourselves.
If we will Pause to access our “friend”, Curiosity, choosing for a moment to bypass our fear, we could ask instead:
“What are reasons I might feel this way?
What do I really need in this moment?
Am I willing to express this need?
Why or why not?”
Our tiny word “Why” can take us a loooong way as we dig deeper…and if we are persistent, we WILL get to the root of our discomfort. Frequently we may find ourselves traveling far back into our past to an event that actually created a belief…a belief that we discover is now providing a foundation for much of what we perceive, project and do in our lives. AND suddenly we realize we no longer want this as a foundation…because it no longer “matches” Who We Are.
This “Digging With Why” is how we start to take responsibility for Our 99%.
Yes, it takes time.
Yes, it takes some work.
But there is no one else to do this: if we are not willing to look at our own stuff first, nothing “out there” is ever going to change.
At the end of her chapter on Svadhyaya, Adele continues with these suggestions:
“This week notice how you turn the [99% quote above] around, blaming others for your own problems and taking responsibility for other’s problems. Practice taking responsibility for yourself and letting others be responsible for themselves.”
Okay, that’s quite a lot of work…and I’ve been this way for a long time…
Can I really Change?
Because I can do this one Pause at a time…the entire bundle of transformation needs not happen all at once.
Since we are, ever and only, victims of our OWN thoughts,
We can either stay the same…
Fleet Maull writes:
“Any time you attribute the cause of your happiness or unhappiness, satisfaction or dissatisfaction to something outside yourself, you give away your power.”
It’s very draining to be giving away power…
Yet we all do it…often.
We forget (or refuse!) to access our Pause.
But without our Pause, we will remain unaware we are giving away power.
Accessing Pause helps us begin to untangle ourselves from the mental and emotional habits that weaken us and move into self-acceptance and self-love.
I’ve been observing lately what a juggling act I am trying to perform: SO many balls in the air that I want to direct (people, situations)…when I really need only toss one “ball” in the air…
Taking care of my 99% is more than enough…
And is actually all that was, is, and ever will be, required of me.
As I become clearer about my beliefs, my motives, and their attached emotions and needs, I can begin to decide how I want to “organize” my unique 99%. THEN I will be better prepared to see what is going on around me and be more precise about how my interactions can be positive and balanced, reflecting my purest, truest self…and allowing others to be freed to do the same.
And oh! Remember that Control we are constantly seeking?
Taking care of our own 99% will actually result in reestablishing control, freeing us from our trap of believing we must/should be in charge of everyone else’s 99%!
Today, take a few moments for yourself.
Consider Adele’s passages.
Go inside to find what you’ve been looking for “outside” all this time.
Seek balance…one moment at a time.
It IS always worth the time and work.
Seek now to commit to this “Rule of 99%”…
Where you have Power.
You will always be 110% surprised by the results that your curiosity and perseverance will bring…
Once you become aware of the impact of The 99% Rule!