“What if pursuing this dream was a fool’s errand? I almost cancelled then and there, as fear of rejection and failure stared me in the face. But instead I sat in my living room and gathered my courage, imperfect though it was. I decided to simply go scared.”

Jessica Honegger, in Imperfect Courage

Well, I don’t know about you but THIS quote hit me square in the heart and mind! We have all been there:

Procrastinating, worrying, feeling nauseous, heart pounding, doubting…

Or maybe instead, we’ve chosen to deal with it by mentally walking away, pretending something didn’t need our attention.

Two sides of the same coin:

Fear.

I thought a moment about the idea of Imperfect Courage and that led me to the next level: being willing to be OKAY with it being “imperfect”. (Yep, there’s the crux of it right there! I have a hard time with going out there “unprepared”, so I talk myself into more procrastination…and many things just don’t get done.) But the idea of being okay with “imperfect”…gave me such a feeling of relief…I was floored. I wanted to experience more of that.

I actually thought to myself (with love and humor)!…

“Hey wait! You can totally do THAT!!” (Be imperfect!) LOL

Seriously, though…

To even pause, in that one moment, I could begin to change my thinking, and THAT feels like “Freedom Happening” before my eyes.

And I also realized that choosing to “go scared” is not only just for our “big ventures”: our Dreams. We can also use it to face down those “smaller” everyday thoughts and situations that arise…

To say, “I can succeed even when…or especially when…my courage is imperfect.”

To say, “I can do this, with what I have, right now.”

When a difficult conversation looms…

When my job interview is tomorrow…

When I’m worried about the health of a loved one…

When I give a talk in front of a crowd…

When someone is grieving and I don’t know what to say…

These more “everyday” situations are where I can hone and build my self-trust, bolstering myself while exploring my greater Dreams too.

To be okay with whatever Courage I believe I have right in this moment….

Hmmm…

Now that I think about it…

Maybe our courage is not really imperfect at all.

“Imperfect”, after all, is a subjective label, a judgement.

Perhaps, instead, Courage is simply a matter of action vs. inaction.

Because the only time my courage would be imperfect…

is when I choose not to use it!

Maybe our courage is not really imperfect at all:

Maybe it’s just a matter of pausing to shift my perception…again, Power is in the Pause!

Feeling fear could be viewed instead as just the lovely (albeit uncomfortable!) reminder that I am responsible.

That I am in charge (of myself). That I am not a victim of anything or anyone…

So it doesn’t matter what state we may perceive that our courage is in.

It’s not a question of “enough”.

The power of our courage truly lies in whether we put it into action…

Or leave it on the shelf.

Where is my Courage right now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Think of a belief (or situation) that is causing you to keep your Courage on a shelf.

Take a few moments to wonder if you could be okay with your current “imperfect courage.”

Be curious.

Figure out where you may have stashed your Courage. Yes, we may have to search for it and yes, it may be in a dark corner, but it’s there.

See yourself remove it from the shelf; now bring it into the light.

Dust it off.

Look it over.

While it may not look like “enough”…consider these thoughts:

What might be the first step you could take with this courage you see in your hands?

Could you take that one first step with this present courage?

Remember “enough” is a label, so let’s sidestep that idea briefly and ask again,

Could you take that one first step with this present courage?

Still not sure?

Oh wait…

You just took it off the shelf.

You are holding it.

You own it.

So you’re good to go.

“Irritation is a destructive energy. We cannot destroy the energy; we can only convert it into a more constructive energy. Forgiveness is a constructive energy. Understanding is a constructive energy.

Suppose you are in the desert, and you only have one glass of muddy water. You have to transform the muddy water into clear water to drink, you cannot just throw it away. So you let it settle for a while, and clear water will appear.”

Thích Nhât Hanh, Being Peace

“Be Peace.”

“Smile.”

“Let go.”

“Just BE.”

What does all THAT mean?

Like it’s so simple to do.

Yet it often doesn’t go that way, despite my best efforts.

Hahn’s book Being Peace is helping me to understand those phrases a little better…

He is helping me clear the muddy water in my glass!

To “be” means to be aware that you “are” something and that this “something” is whatever is going on inside us. We are constantly experiencing what we are…but if Peace is not at the root, we often try to ignore it, force it away, chase it or run from it. So it’s like living a lie.

Whenever Peace is absent, we must acknowledge its absence and then become aware of what IS present within us…allowing the latter to settle down and then away.

In the quote above, Hahn uses “irritation” as one example of how we might “be” right now, in this moment.

Someone just cut me off on the highway.

My child just back-talked to me.

I sent a message to someone and they haven’t responded yet. I need that answer now!!

I just forgot to make an important phone call, causing problems for others who depended on me.

I just spoke/acted without thinking and now have a rift in a relationship to repair.

In these cases, I am not just feeling irritation. According to Hahn (earlier in this chapter on Feelings and Perceptions), I AM Irritation!

Yikes!

But…as soon as I can notice that I AM experiencing something destructive (not Peace), I am immediately empowered to change it by replacing it with something more constructive, like forgiveness or understanding…compassion or love.

Noticing gives us immediate power…

While releasing all that is destructive.

This miracle will occur at the exact point I elect to STOP shaking the “dirty water” of destructive feelings/reactions and instead, choose to carefully place the glass on a level surface, pausing to watch as clarity replaces chaos.

The very moment we become aware, we realize we “are” whatever is happening within us (our thoughts, feelings) and we can see that we are NOT our feelings or thoughts. They are just passing by…and ever changing.

(Just wait a few moments: something else will be along to replace the current “muddiness” that we are feeling or thinking.)

This moment of acknowledgement begins unlocking us from the entrapment we are fighting, allowing ourselves simply to “be” in that moment unencumbered.

We know we’re “getting it” when our familiar “judgement voice” is absent (or at least fading more and more!)

We are not hearing (or rather “listening to”) thoughts like:

“You are a failure.”

“You won’t make it.”

“That was idiotic.”

“You’re not enough.”

Only from the perspective of self-love can I begin to find peace…as I let things settle “as they are”.

I can feel anything.

But I am not the feelings.

I can think anything.

But I am not the thoughts.

So this analogy of the dirty water being allowed to settle, resulting ultimately in clearer water above, with undesirable components below, shows us how to access Peace.

First, it is a process, not a “quick fix”.

Second, it is a journey, with many destinations as we learn our way.

Third, it will always take the time that I allow for settling to occur: so impatience would not be a great choice!

Fourth, if I fight it, it will become muddled again and I’ll need to reset.

But finally: Resisting and the “muddling” that follows is okay…IF we keep remembering to be still long enough to allow settling to begin again.

My anger (or anxiety or grief or whatever I am “being” right now) may sidetrack or blindside me repeatedly, but I must not berate myself for getting sucked into it. That is destructive.

What is important is that I eventually come around again to awareness…starting that settling process again. This is constructive.

We may have to do this many, many times…

Because…we humans ARE very adept at shaking our glass…

And not so experienced at being still long enough to leave the glass alone a few moments.

But that’s what Practice is…

Returning to the beginning.

Being patient.

Being kind to ourselves and therefore to others…

Practice ~ not Perfect ~ is the goal.

How else could we gain Wisdom?

Experience is a Teacher.

Falling short is a Teacher.

Getting up again and again…is a Teacher.

And as we Practice, our very life slowly, miraculously BECOMES the Teacher…

For ourselves…

And ultimately for all who may cross our path.

Tao Te Ching (#15) inquires:

“Who can wait quietly while the mud settles?

Who can remain still until the moment of action?”

Pause.

Notice how you are “Being” right now.

If Peace is not there…

Then Mud is!

But no worries…

The Teacher IS there.

Be still long enough to allow just a glimmer of awareness ~ of what is going on within you ~ to begin.

Notice what “clay, sand or dust” may be “muddying the waters” of your spirit.

Now see those clods of clay, grains of sand, the powdery dust in your glass begin to drift slowly to the bottom.

See the water beginning to clear.

This is letting go.

This is how “Being Peace” begins.

We begin to see clearly enough to allow the unnecessary and detrimental elements to fall away…

To fall away some more…

Until our True Self is all that remains.

“Breathing in, I calm my body;

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment

I know this is a wonderful moment.”

Thích Nhât Hanh, Being Peace

(And also Hanh’s shorter version: “Calming, smiling.

Present moment, wonderful moment.”)

In this simple, profoundly beautiful quote, I have discovered a perfect “reset button”.

Easy to remember.

Powerful.

Overflowing with Truth.

And especially…comforting. As I began to read Hanh’s book Being Peace today, I was struck with the remembrance that we ALL have the power to access peace within…

And the practice and process can begin with just one simple breath…

Coupled with that elusive smile we hunger for in our exterior worlds.

We have the tools ~

We’ve always had them ~

To BE Peace.

And therefore, to BRING Peace.

Inside.

And Outside.

Whether I am in a state of worry for myself, for another, for our world so full of turmoil…

If I can just allow myself the gift of a Pause…

Breath in calm

Re-adjust my face while breathing out a Smile (Remember, tiny is just as powerful as great!)

Dwell in that moment of stillness…

Then I WILL Know Peace

Take a moment today…or as soon as possible!…to show yourself Love and recite this poetic treasure from Thich Nhat Hanh

“Breathing in, I calm my body;

Breathing out, I smile.

Dwelling in the present moment

I know this is a wonderful moment.”

Watch what happens…

As you breath

As you smile

As you become still

As you experiment with Knowing just a little more than you did a moment ago

I would love to hear what effects you notice, no matter their size…

Whether internal or external.

In the world of Pause, significance lies always in what IS…

NOW.

What IS this quote bringing into your life right NOW?

Hanh assures us:

“A smile makes you master of yourself.”

How does this practice bring you into a position of mastery?

Where?

With whom?

Doing what?

Today…

Go Smile…

And see.

“Oh God ~ Help me to believe the truth about myself, no matter how beautiful it is.”

Macrina Wiederkehr

“I am beautiful and everybody loves me.”

Louise Hay

Wait!! WAIT!!

Oh! I mean “PAUSE”!!!

Now before you go running off because these quotes seem naive, unrealistic, illogical and ridiculously unworthy of contemplation, let your curiosity “win” and please hear me out…

Because I was so profoundly moved, I have just copied and pasted a message below that landed in my inbox this morning. The author, Robert Holden, is a prolific writer, active speaker and a life coach. His thoughts have always rung with truth whenever I read or hear them and I felt strongly motivated to share them with you today.

My deepest hope is that you will Pause here for yourself and read Holden’s letter. But do NOT leave out the video!! I would strongly recommend, though, that you save the watching as a “treat” for after the reading. (Don’t worry: it’s just a few minutes long!)

And men: although the video focuses on women…

The perceptions and feelings presented in it are blatantly HUMAN, so it will definitely not be a problem to find some component of yourself somewhere within what is being expressed by these beautiful souls.

As Holden says in his message:

“Inside of you is a secret beauty that reveals itself only when you stop judging yourself.”

And THAT statement…is for EVERYONE.

Please Pause.

Take a moment to see Who You Truly Are…

To see Who We ALL Are…

When the “labels” are finally removed.

Thank you, Robert Holden for sharing your timely words here below. How DID you know we each needed to hear that we are “Beautiful”?!?!

“Choosing the Beautiful Door

By Robert Holden

Imagine you are standing before two doors. One door has a “BEAUTIFUL” sign over it; the other has an “AVERAGE” sign. Which door would you walk through – the beautiful door, or the other one?

For four years, I coached two Presidents of Dove & the Real Beauty Campaign. In that time, Dove launched a campaign of short films on beauty. One film, called Choose Beautiful, offers women the choice of walking through the beautiful door or average door. This film has hit 10 million views on YouTube. I often play Choose Beautiful in my keynote speeches around the world – like last week at the IDEA 2018 Conference in San Diego, where I gave the opening keynote to 2,800 leaders in the fitness industry.

Watch the Video

Feeling Beautiful?

We have more beauty products than ever before, and yet we are feeling less and less beautiful. Here’s the latest research from Dove: “Get ready for some disheartening stats: 61% in the US, 86% in China, 56% in India (where almost all of the women we spoke to agreed that every woman has something beautiful about her, but that often they don’t see it in themselves), a huge 96% in the UK, and 72% in Brazil.”

Your Secret Beauty

Inside of you is a secret beauty that reveals itself only when you stop judging yourself. When you judge yourself you don’t see your beauty; you see your judgments! Thomas Merton, the American mystic and social activist, encouraged us to look at ourselves in the mirror without judgment and see our secret beauty. Try this: spend five minutes sitting quietly, eyes closed, contemplating what is it like to be me when I am not judging myself.

The Beautiful Prayer

My favourite-ever prayer is by the Benedictine nun, Macrina Wiederkehr. I’ve written about this prayer in two of my books Loveability and Happiness NOW! I prescribe it to almost everyone I coach and mentor. I firmly believe that if for 7 days you pray this prayer and sit in meditation for five minutes afterwards, you would start to feel more beautiful again.

A Beautiful Affirmation

When I wrote Life Loves You with Louise Hay, Louise told me this story: “One day, I decided to try a little exercise,” [Louise told me]. “I looked in the mirror and said to myself, ‘I am beautiful and everybody loves me.’ Of course, I didn’t believe it at first, but I was patient with myself, and it soon felt easier. Then, for the rest of the day, I said to myself wherever I went, ‘I am beautiful and everybody loves me.’ This put a smile on my face. It was amazing how people reacted to me. Everyone was so kind. That day I experienced a miracle—a miracle of self-love.” Why not try it for yourself!

I wish you a beautiful day.”

So we ended Part 1 wondering how we can possibly find a feeling of “control” when everything around us is sometimes unpredictable and oftentimes not a match for “how we want things to be.”

The hope and power in our lives comes from moving forward grounded in this thought:

In the midst of all this disarray, we must remind ourselves we actually ARE in charge.

How so?!

Because WE EACH get to decide HOW each of us responds individually as we we go along.

Our choice.

Our path.

Since no single one of us could ever have control over everything or everyone outside of us, we are left with only one simple choice:

We need only practice controlling…OURSELF.

No one else.

Nothing else.

Just ourself.

I find such relief…and freedom…in this idea. I can release all the other stuff, because it was actually never mine to begin with.

The problems and suffering occur when we try to effect our individual control where it is not created to be utilized.

That is: outside us.

Now this does NOT mean we just sit back and say,

“Well, that’s how things are.”

Or “This or that person/situation is never going to change.”

Or “I’m helpless.”

On the contrary.

Instead of mindlessly forcing our “right” way to do things…either pushing our expectations, giving in to our tendency to give up and walk away or perhaps submitting to our habit of running away in fear, Pausing allows us to step gently away and re-evaluate HOW we want to be involved…how we want to truly “shine” in any situation…with a mindset that chooses only actions that cause no damage…to others…yet still simultaneously, none to ourselves.

We stop to ask ourselves,

“How DO I want to been seen RIGHT NOW?”

We must constantly strive for balance in our actions…which is sometimes (often!) a struggle. For with each “problem” I perceive, I will need to seek solutions that promote others AND myself at the same time.

How about that for a complex solution?!

Yep.

We’ll be needing that Pause a lot…

Because that’s where the work happens. We’ll need time to practice habitually putting ourselves in a perspective of Love and Compassion for EVERYONE involved.

Because we’re looking for Win/Win here.

Some of us may be used to pushing our agendas through without allowing more time to consider the position of the “other side”; then there are others among us who often do not speak up in a firm or timely manner so that we often get lost in the equation.

But without finding a balancing solution, where the needs of both sides are attended to, there will always be damage to both sides.

Both forcing and succumbing stem from Fear:

Of not being heard…

Of not being loved…

Of not being enough…

Of thinking below our true potential.

Or simply not remembering we are EACH equally valuable.

We forget that we DO have other options besides forcing or giving in. But we won’t see these hidden solutions unless we Pause long enough to seek them.

Adele’s quote calls for a perspective reassessment. Pausing, I can see that I often assign a lot more importance to what is in the “99% outside”…and not enough focus upon the more important cruxes of my internal “99%”.

Are you seeing this trend in yourself, even as I am seeing it in myself?

Adele continues with these suggestions:

“This week notice how you turn the [99% quote above] around, blaming others for your own problems and taking responsibility for other’s problems. Practice taking responsibility for yourself and letting others be responsible for themselves.”

Strong words.

So….what if I don’t WANT to take responsibility for myself:

That’s quite a lot of work!!

(Add fatigue, anger, busyness, etc. as further reasons to put this action off and we can see how we often see no change occurring in our lives.!)

So…

Will anything ever change…

If I don’t?

Do I really want to wait around for everyone else to “do their thing”, match my expectations, etc…when I have so much catching up to do myself?!

I’m now observing what a juggling act I am trying to perform: SO many balls in the air that I want to direct (people, situations, worries, fears)…when I really need only toss one “ball” in the air…

MY OWN!!

Taking care of my 99% is more than enough…

And is actually all that was ever required of me.

As I become clearer about my beliefs, my motives, and their attached emotions, I can begin to decide how I want to “organize” my unique 99%. THEN I will be better prepared to see what is going on around me, choosing more precision in how I want to interact in the most positive way, reflecting my purest, truest self…and allowing others to be freed to do the same.

I must bring no harm.

Ever.

Taking care of only our own 99% will result in reestablishing our feeling of control and will also free us from the trap of believing we must/should be in charge of everyone else’s 99%!

After all…

That’s THEIRS!

Repose

Today, take a few moments for yourself.

Reflect

Consider Adele’s passages.

Reset

Go “inside” to find what you’ve been looking for “outside” all this time.

Be curious.

Be brave.

Seek balance:

It’s worth the time and work.

Respond

Seek now to commit to “The Rule of 99%”…

Take one deep breath…

And begin with just ONE observation about yourself and your own “99%”.

NOW.

Where you have Power.

You will be 110% surprised by the impact, within and without, that your curiosity and perseverance will bring.

“Ninety-percent of what bothers you is about you. Ninety-nine percent of what bothers others has nothing to do with you.”

Deborah Adele, excerpt from The Yamas & Niyamas; chapter on “Svadhyaya” (Self-Study).

Adele’s words carry a punch that will quickly bring us to a reality check…IF we’re willing to be curious about our current viewpoints. I find that this quote brings me freedom because it makes me see how I am holding on to so many things that I really don’t need to. It inspires me to examine more deeply the beliefs underlying WHY I feel I must be in charge of so many things.

Hmmm…

Is that “Control” I see lurking behind those kinds of thoughts?

I never thought of myself as a controlling person…until I read this. And I am now beginning to realize it’s not necessarily my outward actions that I need to examine here. It’s what’s going on inside with my thoughts.

Of course we all would love to be in control! We’d choose all the “right” weather, the most uplifting responses from our loved ones, the smoothest quickest traffic, optimal health, more impressive talents, copious positive feelings…(I think you know how to add on here, so have at it!)

But I see too that if we’re so busy choosing and orchestrating everything, feeling frustrated and stressed and even victimized when things didn’t quite match our “template of control”, we eventually find we are actually losing control of the one constant gift we DO have:

Our present moment.

Right now.

Our Past and our Future will only hold the power we give to them by the attention we give them.

But NOW…is the only point in time that anything can be observed, evaluated and changed.

And not only do we have to Pause to do that…we need to choose to do so on a regular basis, not just sporadically.

So consider this: what will be happening if MY idea of what is “just right” doesn’t quite match someone else’s?

I’m going to be experiencing some level of upset.

That equals total mayhem, right?

We’ve all been there.

We plan this or that.

Expect this or that.

And then life will go and hand us…

Exactly NOT what we wanted.

So infuriating.

So unfair.

So crushing.

So wrong, right?!

Actually…

So normal.

We wish people and situations to be different and we just KNOW we (and others) would be happier if things were just a bit different…if they’d just follow OUR plan.

And yet…as I Pause…that really doesn’t quite make sense.

It’s a “too many chefs in the kitchen” equation, with everyone’s expectations simultaneously desired…

Nothing would ever work out all the time for all of us.

And isn’t that the definition of Life, as it is?

So I’m thinking,

“Okay…maybe the way things are set up is the only way our world COULD work. The variety, the contrast, the ups and downs, the successes and disappointments…it’s all a “wholistic” smorgasbord of infinite available possibilities.

For me.

For you.

For everyone.

But HOW in the world do we make sense of everything when things do not always fit in with what we believe and want…

How do we fit ourselves in there?

Does this mean we just have to accept being “unmoored”, subject to everything that comes our way…and therefore unable to direct our own lives?

Curious about the answers?

Join me in Part Two to explore further!

“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.”

Pema Chodron

Mind Mirrors

Our minds, like our bodies, are also incredible “machines”, constantly processing data…even as we sleep. But if we do not regularly Pause to check on its condition, we can be walking very quickly into a slew of problems…and the longer we ignore things, the deeper in trouble we can find ourselves.

As I mentioned in a previous post, checking on our “mental iOS” is crucial to the way we are processing our world: how we see the people, things and events in our world is constantly filtered by our mind. Our beliefs, coupled with our experiences, are pretty much running the show within us…and it is OUR job (no one else’s!) to monitor how these are influencing our subsequent thoughts and responses. Again, what happens outside us is not under our control…but how we choose to respond is totally our decision, every time.

Pausing to assess even one thought – its past origin, its impact on my actions, whether I want it to continue doing so – is SO crucial! Because if each of us neglects what our “mind mirror” is reflecting to us, how in the world is anything ever going to change…whether for ME…or for our world?!

Fortunately our “mind mirror” gives us reminders through the attached emotions to a thought or belief. If we briefly Pause to tune in to a feeling, trace it to its original thought/belief/expectation…we can begin the process of assessing what is being reflected to us in our mirror…and then begin to use the truths we see revealed to enable us to change.

And remember, these do not have to be giant changes…

We most successfully and fully effect change with the smallest of steps…

Repeated again and again.

What one small thing will you choose to do differently today as you work on adjusting your mental reflection?

Spiritual Mirrors

And finally we have our “spiritual mirror”.

I use the word “spiritual” here as a “guide word” for simply noticing, and being curious about, the energy that moves you. The impetus that gets you up and going…your deepest internal motivation…the part of you that holds the passion you have for what makes you unique.

This part of you is pure and beautiful and whole…and waiting to be uncovered…actually, rediscovered… because, yes indeed, it is already there and always has been. Sadly, most of us are experienced…and yes even talented(!)… at covering it up or ignoring it. But this does not negate its existence…or its power.

This is the “voice undercurrent”, if you will, we all have within that may speak, scream or whisper to you about the path of integrity you know you were created to follow.

This is your True Self.

And whether we choose to listen or not…

It’s always speaking.

And you know that feeling you get when you feel something is missing in your life?

I have good news.

It’s not “out there” somewhere.

No.

It’s within you.

Has been all along.

This True Self is what we’ve really been looking for all along…and it’s what we ultimately want to see in our mirror every moment of every day.

When we turn away from any part of what we see or hear, in ANY of our mirrors…or even from what we imagine we’ll see (yes, we may often carry erroneous delusions!), we avoid the opportunity to uncover the gem that we are within.

But our spiritual mirror – our heart and soul – is the power behind, the foundation under, everything else.

It’s the Master Switch for Change.

Take a Pause and listen to your internal pure and wise “voice”?

What is it saying?

Notice its volume, its tone.

Perhaps notice how long its been speaking.

What messages are being ignored?

And then maybe gently ask “Why is this so?”

Notice the answers.

The Voice only speaks with Love.

Love for you.

Love for others.

Love for our world.

This Voice will never use belittling language regarding how it “looks” in there right now.

It only speaks with Love.

It reminds us that we are seeing reflections…

As they are NOW.

Pausing to see the truth founded in Love enables us to see where a change is most needed.

The change will cause the next reflection to be shifted…

And that means we no longer need to be afraid.

Because the reflections will change…even as we change.

Our mirrors help us to adjust…

Until Fear is gone

And only Love remains.

So for now, choose one small thing to do differently today as you work on adjusting your spiritual reflection. What is your Voice’s message?

But Still: Why Look?!

Does all this “reflection” take time?

Yes.

But not as much as you’d think.

And so worth it.

Does it take effort?

Of course!

But not as much as you’d think.

And so worth it.

Might this be a painful process…?

Sometimes yes…

BUT…

What happens during the uncovering process, as we choose to stay just a little longer looking in the mirror, is the reward of revealed beauty…

the reward of freedom of mind, body and spirit…

Unified.

Whole.

Pausing gives the reward of healing.

What happens during the process of peering deeply into our mirrors is the lessening of our self-imposed suffering.

And that means rediscovering our peace and happiness.

It’s SO worth every moment we spend…

Because WE are worth it.

Take Heart

As Chodron says,

“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.”

The word courage comes from the French root word “cœur” which means “heart”.

It takes delving into our very hearts to find what we’ve been searching for…

And to rediscover everything we will ever need.

Am I ready to be courageous?

Am I ready to stop deceiving myself?

Am I ready to look deeply and truthfully into each of my mirrors…

Without judgement…

Choosing curiosity over fear…

So I can see Who I Truly Am?

Just Pause for a moment…

Look deeply…

Once again…

Or perhaps for the first time.

And bravely wonder…

“Who exactly IS that that I see in there in this moment?”

Then…vowing only to turn away when the belief in the power of change has covered your heart entirely…

You then walk through your day armed with your courageous intention…

To fully mirror The Complete Truth of You.

Part 2/2

“The essence of bravery is being without self-deception.”

Pema Chodron

I love how this saguaro is showing ALL of itself, from its amazing flowers, to its buds that are in process of becoming more than they are, showing its scars from woodpecker beaks, as well as displaying its numerous prickly spines…

And isn’t this how we all are?

A mixture of parts that are beautiful arrivals, parts that are “in process”, and then some that are prickly and difficult to handle…that we probably seek to avoid?!

A combination of beauty and scars…

This saguaro seems to be, in this moment, a perfect reflection…of me!

And so also of each of us.

It is showing everything…

All that it is right now…

And as it grows, it will change and reveal even more.

And as I see myself still in process of learning how to reveal myself…

Learning to accept who I am and then to reveal my complete true self to others…

I see that I am a mirror.

As are each of us.

Mirrors, like this saguaro, are everywhere…

In nature.

In other people.

In experiences.

In practicing seeing these mirror reflections with curiosity instead of fear, we will be able discover, grow and then reveal more of ourselves, freeing ourselves and others in the process.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mirror, Mirror…

Whenever we look in a mirror, we are, on some deeper level, wishing to see a perfectly prepared human being before heading out somewhere. We hope we have taken care of everything ahead of time, and we will be willing, on varying levels, to change (some!) things that aren’t matching our expectations. However, we also know that there is a good chance something may not be exactly as we would like…but we just don’t want to deal with it…so we look away and focus on other things! Regardless of what we look at or not, if we’re looking for a clear unbiased view of how we are presenting our physical selves, a mirror will give us the whole picture.

Pausing to look, we may notice:

A crooked tie

A tag sticking out

Some misapplied makeup

Missing accessories

Mismatched colors

Unkempt hair

So we use our mirror to self-correct…

And are free to ignore whatever else we choose.

Regardless of our reaction, this reflection always gives us the reality of how we look in the moment…at least physically.

The quote above made me Pause to ask “What other parts of myself need a “mirror reality check” so that I am presenting myself – my Whole Self – authentically…not just in body, but also in mind and spirit?

First let’s begin with one more check in our “physical mirror”, because there’s more involved than just how we’re dressed, cleaned up and coiffed.

Physical Mirrors

Besides how we look with our clothing, hair, etc…we all are presented with a view of our body in general…and a reminder of our health as well. We are each given this miraculous “machine”, if you will, that functions day in and day out mostly without our noticing or involvement, pumping blood, breathing, processing the food and drink we put in it, warning us of injury, moving about getting done what needs doing to complete our day.

But when was the last time I stopped to appreciate the body I have and all that it does for me?

Okay, yes, regardless of my opinion of its current “shape” or “condition”, just Pause a moment or two to find one to three physical aspects of yours that, upon consideration, are actually pretty amazing…and yes, plenteous!

Next, just allow a feeling of gratitude for these to fill you up for just a few moments.

Now, if somewhere during this “mirror check” you heard a “voiceover judge” that threw in anxious or maybe negative comments like “Things could be better,” or “I wish I were/had more ________,” or “I really need to improve X but how to find the time?!?!” or “No one’s going to accept THAT…”

You are not alone!

If we’re like most folks, we hate hearing those fearful internal reminders that we’re “falling short”, “not enough,” “drifting behind”…but they often bombard us…and we wish they would just stop.

In attending to our full reflection, not selective pieces of it(!), we can begin to eradicate our fears of “not enough”.

Maybe we need to make that doctor or dental appointment we’ve been putting off…or perhaps begin a diet that better supports our health…or start an exercise regimen that will strengthen and energize us more fully…

And so on the list goes!

The point is, regular mirror checks remind us to take care of things as they show up.

Pause

Reflect

Reset

Respond

What one small thing will you choose to do differently today as you work on adjusting your physical reflection?

What could you thank your physical body for today?

Remember, one small Pause can have giant repercussions!

More Mirrors?!?!

Moving away from our “physical mirror”, we have also “mind mirrors” and “spirit mirrors”. These are often a little more difficult to discern because they are internal, so they require that we use a bit more effort to look into them with clarity and honesty.

Quite frankly, there are some things in there that we just don’t want to see or acknowledge (to ourselves or anyone else!)…so we choose to “turn away” from these mirrors, using such things as busyness, work, food, shopping, material acquisitions, exercise substances like alcohol/drugs (and much more!) to escape what we might see.

As we can use anything to “look away” mentally or emotionally, this essentially boils down to noting our habits of “overuse”. It is not whether we perceive something as “good” or “bad”…but instead becoming aware of being out of balance and excessive in one or more areas of our lives. Yes we need food to live but we may be choosing to overeat or to eat unhealthy foods. Yes we need regular exercise but we can easily run our bodies down or injure them by pushing them too far too fast. I just spent several weeks recuperating from overdoing several physical activities, not paying attention to my wiser inner “Voice” (more on that in Part 2!) that was telling me to back off a little…. The activities were all “healthy” but the frequency and intensity I chose was not healthy for ME. So I was “benched” for several weeks, reminded that that’s what happens when I “look away” from the mirrors that I have!

Just being watchful and aware of where we may be overdoing things, catching things early, is always a huge step in the direction of change.

Just like the physical mirror, we can use mind and spirit mirrors for checking the reality of our mental and emotional/spiritual states…and for making timely and appropriate self-adjustments within ourselves.

But here again we’re faced head on with that “honesty” component:

We are either acknowledging ALL that is reflected OR we are selectively refusing to acknowledge one or more things that we don’t want to admit are there.

Black or white.

No gray there at all!

And this brings most of us to a full halt.

We use techniques like procrastination and laziness as our excuses for looking away…Because down deep, we are afraid to see everything that is there. Even procrastination and laziness are actually forms of fear: fear of failure, fear of being responsible.

Ultimately, if we don’t practice first loving what we see in the mirror, we will fear it.

Fortunately, both our Mind Mirror and Spiritual Mirror are available to help us overcome being “stuck” in our fears.

But we have to be willing to Pause and look more closely…

So I hope you’ll be joining me for Part 2, where we’ll reflect (pun intended!) a little more deeply on those two remaining mirrors…

Mind and Spirit.

See you there!

(Part 1/2)

“Once you’ve

accepted your

flaws no one

can use them

against you.”

Tyrion Lannister (in Game of Thrones television series)

Part Five of Five:

Exposing Our True Self

Here’s something I try to repeat to myself as much as I can:

“I carry Love.

I carry only Love.

For myself.

And for everyone else.

My choice.

Every time.”

Should I choose to utilize the Flaws and Mistakes in my life as catalysts (rather than burdens), to use them to launch into deeply honest reassessment, to direct them towards any internal change large or small…

These actions will always move me towards Healing and Wholeness, towards a fuller realization of Who I Truly Am…

…and sometimes along with our own change, we may even be privileged to see the same result to begin occurring in another.

Can these then truly be “Flaws” and “Mistakes”, as I formerly defined them, with their negative connotations?

The catastrophes and horrors we see around our world strike our very hearts…

Abuse

Murder

Death

Repression

Misunderstanding

Scathing words

Rejection

The list is oh so painfully long.

However, if we use these appearances of Flaws and Mistakes and Wrong Choices instead as launching pads to move forward and up instead, to rediscover the pure Love that we always were…

To Become More…

I ask:

What happens in our world then?

Since our forward and upward movement, our change, our forgiveness, is NOT saying we condone what so often repels us, then such motion proves instead that we are beings who are beyond the horror, beyond the darkness, beyond…the Past…and stronger than anything the Future may have in store.

We become more present…

Attentive…

Capable of incredible growth of spirit.

Our upward changes prove we are not under the control of whatever we see as “bad” in our lives. In moving onward and upward, we are instead the creators of something that cradles, nurtures and brings into being more interior power and majesty than we ever knew to be available to any one of us.

Just think:

How often do we see many loving selfless acts of generosity and compassion brought forth into action in the aftermath of so many horrific, traumatic and heartrending events?

Love always rises to the top.

If we choose to continue to move upward…

To regard with honesty all parts of ourselves…

To work with ALL that we have been given…

We WILL evolve into something larger and grander in spirit than we were in each previous moment…

We WILL uncover the Purity always present beneath the Flaws and Mistakes and Horrors…

We WILL rediscover the solid foundation Love offers us.

And then we WILL always see that “flaws” can be transformed…

Transmuted always to whatever degree we are willing to allow the same changes within ourselves.

So whenever you are graced with the appearance of a Flaw in your life?

Don’t run away just yet.

Stay still and Pause just a moment.

And bravely ask what possibilities it may hold hidden within.

Remember:

To Accept the Whole is to Love the Whole…

For Love holds all the Power.

Carry Love, for yourself, for others.

Only Love.

True Love cannot ever be used against you: that would refute its very definition.

Therefore, if something is not OF Love, you will know it is no longer necessary…

And you are then always free to leave it there on the path behind you.

(End Part 5/5)

And I thank you, my Persistent Readers, for walking with me on this Journey Through Flaws!

“Once you’ve

accepted your

flaws no one

can use them

against you.”

Tyrion Lannister (in Game of Thrones television series)

Part Four of Five:

Expressing Forgiveness

So how do we “accept” and “love all this?

All that we are…the dark along with the light? The easy with the difficult? The resounding successes with the crippling failures?

And all those same characteristics that are present in others?

The answer that eases our load lies within the option of forgiveness.

We often say “I just can’t forgive that. I refuse.” After all, egregious acts always deserve, and therefore must receive, judgment, not forgiveness, right? We are often taught or simply accept, that forgiveness is for weak people. Doesn’t forgiving mean we are agreeing and going along with with things that feel dark and completely wrong to us?

Well, hang on second.

Forgiveness is a choice.

Always.

In essence, forgiveness IS an expression of love.

And it is actually NOT for the weak.

Not at all…

For it takes tremendous courage to forgive.

But let’s clarify something here:

Forgiveness does NOT mean I condone something that happened.

Forgiveness is actually not even something I am giving to another. Though we more often hear “Please forgive me!”, as if it is a blessing to be bestowed on an undeserving person…

It is in reality actually something I choose to give…

To myself.

Yes, it’s about ME.

How? Because to forgive, I must love myself…the most. And this is where we so often fall so short.

Forgiving means I love myself so much I am allowing myself to release the burdens of my anger, judgements, remorse, hatred…so I may move on to a lighter heart and a life no longer controlled by these thoughts and emotions. I agree NOT to be controlled by anything else except Love. When I can release these heavy burdens of anger and resentment, my vision is cleared so I may begin to live with the insight of Love alone.

Forgiveness is giving yourself permission to Love…fully. And we always have the option to extend this to others…but…first of all, especially to ourselves.

Remember, we can only give what we have within.

So I need to Pause to reacquaint myself with all of who I am, “warts and all”, as they say. I will need to shift my view of my own “flaws” so I begin to see them as a means access power.

(End Part 4/5)